Who am I?

Who am I? I'm someone who feels deeply, who in any given moment feels and holds multiple conflicting, contrasting, complimentary and complex emotions, sensations, experiences, all at once and separately in individual layers, together and apart. I'm someone who believes that we, all of us, as unique and connected and complex human beings, have an … Continue reading Who am I?

other days

Some days I can't find the words to tell you all the ways I am barely breathing. Some days I don't have words to explain the panic attack that forced me to remain indoors and to shut out the world for it was the only option I had to regain my breath and remember how … Continue reading other days

I hope you know, love

I hope that in the moment this world stops turning you will know with unflinching certainty that I loved you, that I always loved you and that my life has been richer for you being in it. As you make your way through the days ahead I hope you find love to be more the … Continue reading I hope you know, love

through doors

i'm tiptoeing through closed doors, finding there's not enough space to walk back through. fighting in a war with myself that i can only lose if i do not let go, let be, let life pass through and in here. when did i get so scared of my own voice? the knowing that knew me … Continue reading through doors

(my abusers) did you know?

  With your hands around my throat, did you know I would feel them in two decades time? That sometimes living would feel like slow death through the memory of hands In places that make me shudder and shame in remembrance? Your face stares at me, in the dark, in the light, just as you … Continue reading (my abusers) did you know?

truth.

  There is a longing within. It sits somewhere between desire and pain.  It dances with me, Twisting and twirling around the loops of my veins.  It knows how to pull me into deep despair and then quickly leads me to blackened paradise.  It grows, quickly, like a seedling reaching for the light, Touching with … Continue reading truth.

Things I wish you knew 

Some days my biggest accomplishment is brushing my teeth.  On those days I don't always feel worthy of being loved.  When you told me I was an 'old soul', you were right, but I yearn for the fleeting moments of feeling young. There are days when I feel like I have lived ten lifetimes in … Continue reading Things I wish you knew 

Why do I do this? Why do I write and keep writing?

Why do I do this? Why do I write and keep writing?  Why do I sit here each day and pour my heart out onto a page that seems to know me better, to get me more than the people I have spent a lifetime hiding from?  Why do I put my heart into a string of … Continue reading Why do I do this? Why do I write and keep writing?