But You Were Fine Yesterday {The Mighty}

...There’s so many times when I get a remark or a look or a suggestion of “but you seemed fine yesterday.” These suggestions make my blood boil, because perhaps I had a mask on yesterday, or perhaps I didn’t and today I just feel like shit. Mental illness (unfortunately) doesn’t work quite so neatly and … Continue reading But You Were Fine Yesterday {The Mighty}

What Complex Trauma Feels Like To Me {The Mighty}

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and complex trauma are just that — complex. In fact, I believe all mental health and trauma are. It’s all so complex. Some days it looks like managing triggers — finding a way to keep grounded. And managing it all can feel overwhelming and painful, and still, somehow, I am … Continue reading What Complex Trauma Feels Like To Me {The Mighty}

(my abusers) did you know?

  With your hands around my throat, did you know I would feel them in two decades time? That sometimes living would feel like slow death through the memory of hands In places that make me shudder and shame in remembrance? Your face stares at me, in the dark, in the light, just as you … Continue reading (my abusers) did you know?

Falling and Crashing and Breaking

Here, I am on the verge of something, standing over a cliff edge not sure whether I should be jumping, running backwards, or if I will soon be pushed to my ultimate fall. I am used to falling, I feel like I have been in a perpetual state of falling and crashing and breaking, but … Continue reading Falling and Crashing and Breaking

That Feeling, The Darkness

   That feeling. The darkness. You see it there, in the distance. You try to run, but no, it is getting closer, it is taking hold.  That feeling. The one which grips every morsel of your body. You feel like there is no escape. You know you are alive still, just, but nothing feels the … Continue reading That Feeling, The Darkness

When did we begin? (Everything Changed)

When did we begin? I do not recall. I do not remember the moment when we became Us. I do not have that memory Of when I began loving you More than any soul in the universe. Maybe it always was so, Even before we met. Before you held me. Maybe we were destined To … Continue reading When did we begin? (Everything Changed)

A Conversation with my Inner Child: “Oh Little One, I am Listening, I am Here.”

 Oh Little One.  You have been screaming all night and I want you to know that I hear you.  I know you won't believe me just yet. I have ignored your sobs all day. I have made you feel like you are wrong to be crying out in such a way. Like you should not … Continue reading A Conversation with my Inner Child: “Oh Little One, I am Listening, I am Here.”