I feel so small.
No, not small, for I do feel like I am in existence, my body feels like it has disappeared. There is nothing that I can feel of my life now. I see the door in the distance. I know I must move towards it, get through it,
I see legs, but how do I use them? I begin to know that they are part of me but I do not feel attached. The ground is turning to quicksand. There is no choice but to walk or I will be swallowed whole into oblivion.
So I stand. Somehow, someway, I stand.
As I lift my body my heart stays still as my bones rise around it. It thuds, heavily against my rising stomach and I must drag it along as my legs begin to walk.
I am walking, but I do not know how or in which direction they are moving. I move slowly, without purpose, lost.
I do not know where I am. I do not know how I ran so far from you, from us, and got to nowhere but this blackened void. I do not know who I am. I only know you.
Is this what life feels like without you?
Is this death? Or is this how it feels to rise, rise from the ashes of our love?
Is this acutely numb pain the pain of grief or remorse?
Is the darkness the brightest night there is away from the burning light we ran from?
Or is this where I begin to fall into light, a light that I never asked for, a light that I would gladly dull if you would only meet me here,
Here in this eclipsed hell, where I am sinking fast?
Nothing makes sense to me now. Nothing makes sense here. Nothing makes sense but you,